Newtown, Conneticut

I'm not going to post this on my facebook because I feel it isn't right to start making what could be considered political statements when such a horrible thing happened. At the same time, I feel like I need to get this out because, honestly, I want answers.
For those people who say 'I should be allowed to carry guns because they can carry guns' and that's somehow the answer to a shooting- what about those kids? I understand you feel the need to protect yourself but how did that help what happened today? Are we going to start giving children guns? Are we going to start training teachers to use guns and make them practically bodyguards for their students?
The sad thing is, even if we did that, I think we can all admit that wouldn't be the end of it. The shootings would just occur at some other place, in some other way. Or worse, a teacher would use the gun provided. Then they'd probably start firing teachers with mental illnesses as if that's really the solution to the problem.
I'm not saying I know what to do here. Sadly, I don't believe much could have been done to stop it once it started. But perhaps there was something that could have been done before it started? Like, keeping the guns from him? Perhaps therapy earlier? Really, what can we do to stop these shootings because they're only increasing and sitting around and doing nothing isn't working. And if we have done something then we need to do more, or perhaps change tactics. Regardless, I think it's come to a point where everyone agrees something needs to be done.
At least, I'd hope so.

So I was watching Ellen clips on Youtube

So I was watching clips of The Ellen Show on Youtube and was about to watch one with Ellen talking to Gwyneth Paltrow when this thing popped u. It basically said 'choose between these two: you can either watch a commercial about a Mormon or you can have two commercial breaks.'
Well, first of all, I just got off the site. Second, I started thinking about what it said and was like "are they saying that a commercial about Mormons is as bad as two regular commercials??' Because I think we all know watching advertisements is annoying and certainly annoying on Youtube so what could they have been thinking besides that? And isn't that a bit mean to Mormons? Did the Mormons do that on purpose, hoping that people would sit through a commercial about them if it meant only having to watch one commercial instead of two? Does this mean the Mormons are paying the price for two commercials instead of just one? And why on earth would they bother giving you the options to choose?!
Food for thought!

"Just lost my job"

It's amazing how that phrase doesn't even affect me anymore. I don't think "how did that happen," "maybe they were lazy," "what did they do," I don't even think anything. I feel like I hear it so often and it's so common that I'm not fazed at all. It's almost like a fact of life.
Isn't it sad that's where we are right now?

Getting There

So for the past two weeks I haven't seen my language partner at all. This really affected my studies because I was relying on my time with her to really study and understand the dialogues. Well, last week we were supposed to meet but for one reason or another we didn't so I had to get some back bone and get things done on my own.
I did a pretty good job actually! I really stuck to it! There was a day early on I was behind but I managed to bring myself back up. Now I just need to hold steady while also working on my papers.
I'm actually a little proud of myself :)

And the Curse Continues

I have a curse set upon me by who knows but it has proven to be still upon me.

I can't ride horses.

Every time I try to ride a horse something happens that keeps me from doing so. The first couple times it was weather, either it would rain the day of or the day before and the trails would be too muddy. Then there was the time our reservation was lost and we would have had to wait a couple hours in order to ride. And just to prove that this isn't all in my head, the last time this happened I didn't even know there were plans to ride horses! This happened in France when Apolline and I went to a park somewhere and all of a sudden we're in front of some stables and there aren't any horses! Apparently, these were racing horses and you could ride them if they were there but they weren't. Didn't know anything about her plans we just went and the horses weren't there.

Now I have a new reason to add to my list: illness.

I'm going through the photos that my classmates took while in Qinghai and all of a sudden I find this:

Taken from Erin's Album

And a bunch of other photos with all of them riding horses. Again, had no idea this was even planned.

The curse strikes again!! :(

Read Other Blog for Regular Updates

Just saying, because this one isn't going to be updated very regularly. I'm using it today because I already have three update topics for my other blog but I still want to think about this.
So I found out yesterday while talking to a guy I was about to interview for my job that college abroad is much cheaper than in the States. As much as I talk about getting out of college I have been considering getting a Master's degree. I keep coming back to the idea of teaching Chinese and how interesting and fun that would be. I got a taste of teaching last year when I volunteer taught English and figuring out how to best teach them was really fun. And now I'm writing my capstone on how English is taught at BLCU (my university). Add to that I'm writing my internship paper about why Chinese, after years of studying English, can't speak it and why that is, but my real interest is Chinese and how to teach it.
Of course, you can't teach a language if you can't speak it and I know very well after this semester I won't speak Chinese well enough to teach it.
I found out my school is well known for their Chinese teaching program. So not only could I be learning Chinese but also learning how to teach it if I stay in China.
The only problem is my boyfriend- I love him a lot and today marks being in China for one month and it hasn't been easy. I really miss him and can't wait to see him again. He actually told me that he would follow me if I decided to stay in China, however, we found out engineers aren't paid well in Asia and he doesn't speak the language nor seems to have any interest in learning.
So now what do I do?!

I feel like I should post something

So I'll post something I'm pretty sure the Alliance doesn't want me posting on my blog with them. So a couple hours after my fall i started having a major headache. I figured it had nothing to do with my fall but just to be sure I checked how long I should wait until I could sleep (because I was also tired) and it didn't really give an answer. So then I was like "well, I don't want to go to sleep and then never wake up so I'll call Marketus and see what he thinks."
I call him and he doesn't answer.
His phone is turned off.
This is only absolutely ironic because the Alliance freakin' gave us phones so that they could always be in touch with us should anything happen and he turned his phone off. This is also the phone we're supposed to call in case of an emergency.
Just sayin'

Other Blog

Hey everyone! So I will be posting on my other blog now. I emailed the person in charge and they would rather have a blog specific to my travels than use my personal one. I'll still copy and paste the link to facebook- I don't expect you guys to remember but just in case you were going to it directly it will be now: http://falling2311.blogspot.com

Thanks for reading this and I plan on continuing to keep you updated on China!

Lonely and Unhappy

I know I only just got here and I have a lot of time to make friends but I'm just going to say it.
I'm lonely.
I'm acting more awkward than normal and I think it's rubbing everyone the wrong way. I might be even giving everyone the impression I want to be left alone but I don't.
I just needed to get that out there.
On another note, my teacher had us do an assignment at the end of class, asking about our opinions of China and Beijing so I thought I'd give my thoughts. After all, you may be reading this to learn about me but you really want to read about me and China. Or just China ;)
So let me begin by admitting I have a negative bias off the bat from my experience last year so if you notice an overly critical attitude and it upsets you I apologize in advance.

Anyway, I will say I like China but I don't want to live here yet. It's just too dirty. People just spit everyone (men and women), babies poop and pee in the street because their families can't afford diapers, and when the cleaning ladies come in to clean my dorm room they just take out the trash and weep the floor. They apparently change the sheets once a week but mine haven't been changed since I arrived. The bathroom I'm assuming is my responsibility however they are supposed to give us toilet paper but this is sporadic at best and I've had to use my own. Someone was mugged last weekend at the zoo and another was accused of beating a woman but thankfully the woman messed up her story to the police and there was a Chinese friend to back up the American's story.
This all being said, my personal encounters with Chinese people have been wonderful. I will never forget the Chinese family I stayed with in Datong and my Chinese teacher is adorable. The Chinese man, Han Bing, who's also in charge of the program took us personally to Tiananmen (This is the correct spelling, Spellcheck!!) Square and to an acrobatic show! I haven't met my language partner yet but I expect that to be a wonderful experience as well.
When I'm in a group in a tourist place everyone wants to take a picture with us and sometimes they don't ask and are just rude. When I'm by myself however away from tourists no one bothers me. I just walk around as another person. I try to talk to shop clerks every now and then and they've been receptive and friendly.
I'm not a fan of the "local" dialect because it's very harsh with an "r" sound thrown in everywhere but thankfully not everyone speaks that way. The driving here is pretty insane. There's just too many people walking around and driving and sometimes people don't listen to the street signs so you really have to be careful. I just pretend I'm crossing the street in Chicago where I shouldn't and I manage just fine. I usually wait until I walk with a crowd, or last time I waited for a pregnant woman to start walking. And the people here must be some kind of animal whisperers because the owners don't need leashes to make sure their dogs stay nearby. They just do. It's pretty miraculous to watch- I'll have to get it on camera.
The pollution really hurts the view but on a nice day, like today, you can see the blue sky a little, and the mountains in the far off distance, reminding you this place has beauty and it's not all this:

a store under renovation (i kid you not)

Or this:

Listening to everyone I get the feeling I would like Taiwan better because it's cleaner but I can't think about that right now. I'm in China and I'll be here for over three months so I need to get used to it. Hopefully I'll make friends soon.

Classes Begin

Okay, so Chinese class wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting. The little bit of previewing I did was just enough that I made it through the class. I managed to speak enough but I had the hardest time paying attention. I wasn't very focused at all. I seriously need to work on that- probably had something to do with the fact I was hungry. That and the class is almost 3 hours long and psychologists say that after 45 minutes the brain stops taking in information. I really like her teaching style- there's just enough emphasis on grammar and vocabulary that I feel like I'm seeing the whole picture. I love most of all how she writes the words on the board that we don't understand or know off the top of our heads so I can look them up later or at least practice them.
Afterward I was supposed to have an interview about an internship but Marketus, our Resident Director, mistook me for someone else so I was able to sit in our contemporary China class in its entirety. He's definitely a knowledgeable professor with a lot of experience (which he's happy to discuss with anyone and everyone). There's a lot of reading but we only meet once a week so I think I'll be able to manage.
I found out a couple people have been to the dining hall and the food is decent. The prices range from 5 to 13 kuai and rice comes with the meal. I'll have to make sure to eat there tomorrow.
Tonight all of those interested in the internships are meeting someone who's supposed to be in charge of us, I think. I don't know. I kind of hope it's quick because Chinese homework, plus I need to preview the lesson for tomorrow.

I would, wouldn't I

So this year isn’t going to be as cheap as I imagined. I have to pay for internet and food. Granted, both are cheap but it’s a cost I wasn’t expecting. Oh well. I get a room all to myself! I’m happy and sad about it, I’m happy because that means if for some reason I’m awake at 3am (2pm Chicago time) then I can go on the internet and talk with friends live! I’m sad because part of me wanted to live with a Chinese host family to really improve my language skills. I looked at the schedule though and we will have language classes every day for three hours so I feel a little better. The test to determine our skills is in a couple days. The guy in charge, I can’t pronounce his name completely, said not to study for it but you know everyone is going to- no one wants to be placed too low and everyone believes they’ve lost a lot over the summer. We’ll have Chinese mentors as well that we’ll meet in a week or two. They’re Chinese students who are learning how to teach Chinese… or was it English? No matter, I bought key chains to present as gifts.

Anyway, so I was promptly picked up at the airport and after waiting for the last girl we were off on a bus. The ride wasn’t too long but that nausea I was feeling before came back ten-fold and I nearly through up on the bus! They had me sit up front, holding a bag, and the other guy mentioned some pressure point that is supposed to stop nausea and you better believe I was pressing that for dear life. I’ve never really had motion-sickness before- certainly not that bad but I also had more hours last year to get over whatever I was feeling then after the plane ride. I’m just glad I won’t be moving around much this time- that should help with motion-sickness.

We arrive and I’m immediately given my key and find myself in my own room! I’m still pretty amazed; I think I’m the only girl who is in her own room. My only problem so far with this place is the bed. I have to use the comforter as plush to make the bed a little softer which leaves me without a blanket. I’m using a baby blanket and my winter coat right now but I definitely need a blanket. That and some glade- the bathroom smells terrible and the watered-down bleach I tried to use to clean it was way too strong and smelled terrible. Thankfully I saw some at the market so I’ll buy some later.

We’re setting up internet today so I won’t be without internet for very long at all. He said he believes it costs about 300 kuai which is a little over $50 for four months so that isn’t too bad but he said the quality isn’t good. Too many people here have to share. I learned that last year if I use the internet at off times I have a nice speed so no matter what they say here I plan on trying to wake up super early- like around 5am- to get the fast internet speed. I don’t plan on partying anyway.

Well, I’ll have more to say later. Zai jian!

Oh I would forget my computer charger that I'm fairly certain I had to unplug from my computer in order to pack the computer. What a hassle. We actually received internet the day after I arrived but my computer died while I was trying to set it up and no one had a cord to borrow. That's not true- one guy did but he didn't have an adapter and was "enjoying life without technology."
I certainly didn't find it enjoyable. I have DVDs and knitting patterns all ready take waste time and had no computer to watch the DVDs on, nor look up knitting patterns. Add to that I hadn't informed everyone I arrived at the school yet and I was going stir-crazy!
Anyway, a lot has happened over the last couple days. They've really been packing in the week. We went to Tian-an men Square except we didn't- we got to go where all the officials stand to watch the parades that go on in the square which was really cool.

Then we went on to see some crazy food (the guy literally called it the "weird food street" and not because his English wasn't very good (because it was good). I took pictures but I don't want to press my luck with this thing. We ended the night by seeing an acrobatic show that I fell asleep during.
Today we were put in our Chinese classes. I'm in 101.... Fu Laoshi would not be pleased. I couldn't remember anything! It's also really hard to understand them. My teacher is super nice and there are only two other boys in my group so we'll get a lot of one-on-one attention. In fact, we'll get it once every week- it's designed in the schedule! It's going to be a lot of Chinese and really difficult but I think I'm up for it. I'm also having a meeting Monday with a fundraiser about an internship! Thank goodness Marketus (out Resident Director) took me to the Chinese "Sillicon Valley" and bargained for my charger.
So I'm going to bed because I am exhausted but it's possible I'll be on again around 2-3pm American time.

China

I didn't start packing until 2am the night before and I finally fell asleep around 3am. Unfortunately for me, my aunt's dog, Duffie, realized something was up and decided to sleep with me. I would usually be fine with this except I'm sleeping on a smaller-than-twin-size bed. I managed to push her enough that I had all of my body on the mattress but sleep still avoided me.
I woke up sometime before 7:20 but fell back asleep and woke up twenty minutes later. I managed some cereal and then I rearranged some items and I was off. I learned there had been an elevator all along for me to take down to the L platform... would have appreciated knowing that last summer but whatever. A man was kind enough to tell me as he carried my 42 lb suitcase down the first flight of stairs. I took the elevator for the second.
I don't know why people complain about the security at the airports. I always breeze through. I must take airplanes at off times on off days. Otherwise, people are whiners (and the fact I'm saying that says something about them).
I hung around and played my computer while I waited. One thing better about China is that the airport has free wifi whereas O'Hare did not. I was pretty bored for two hours.
And exhausted. I couldn't wait to board just so I could sleep. When I got seated I immediately situated myself to fall asleep. I actually missed the take-off, and considering how badly my left ear hurt when we landed I'm fairly impressed. However, over time my hips and lower back began to hurt and sleep was difficult. Especially at the end, I started to vocally whimper as I tried to find a comfortable position.
I found out there is absolutely no need to bring anything on the plane to occupy your time. There were a ton of movies to choose from, including two Jerry had bought me specifically for the plane ride. I ended up watching Dumbo, just because I couldn't remember the storyline. I also watched two Chinese movies "Love" and "Lovesick." Boy, did I need tissues! They were both really good. I tried knitting on the plane but of course I didn't have the right size needles. The flight even had games, audio-books, TV shows, and a couple other things but I wasn't interested in them enough to remember.
I landed an hour later than expected but I'm being picked up at 5 so I had an hour and a half to write this. When we landed I took my time getting off just to avoid the push. It's funny. I've only done this once but everything was exactly as I remembered. The airport was completely empty again. I swear I got off at the same gate because I made the same turn at the same kiosk. And then it hit me.
The smell.
I had forgotten this smell and when it hit me I realized China has a smell. I can't really describe it, but after just getting off a plane and feeling nauseous it wasn't a good smell. I'm slowly starting to get used to it but still I feel a little sick.
I grabbed my suitcase and walked to exit the customs area and into the airport lobby. Right there is where we've been told we'll be picked up and right there is basically where everyone is picked up. It's almost like walking a red carpet how everyone is staring at you. I managed to get through the mass of people at the end of the runway and immediately started walking to find the wireless station.
I knew exactly where to go.
I kid you not I walked right over here and found the exact wireless kiosk I used last year and am now sitting close to where I sat last year (I sat against the wall last time because I needed to plug in... which reminds me I forgot my adapter.. crap!). Considering how I walked around this entire place for over an hour and didn't get to the wireless station until the very end of my journey through the airport I'm pretty proud of myself! I walked around here like I did this all the time!
Anyway, I got my wireless information and my VPN almost didn't work but finally did. Thank goodness too because that would be just like last year for a piece of technology to not work as expected (except last year it was my phone).
So I'm here! Arrived safe and sound! It's 3am in Chicago and 4am in Atlanta so I don't expect anyone to read this for a while. By the time anyone does I should (hopefully) be on my way to my new school!

Worry, worry, worry

Oh my goodness, I feel like my heart is going a mile a minute just thinking about how bad things can go if one thing doesn't go right today. I have to pick up my visa today and I really need to try and get the loan over and done with. I also need to pack and figuring out how to pack for almost four months is not easy. Add to all this I need to worry about walking my aunt's dogs so I have to plan when I leave and when I come back around their bathroom schedule and I'm practically reeling. I also need to get that VPN today. I have one more prescription I need to turn in as well.
God, the more I think about it the more anxious I become. It's not that it's a lot to do- it's that I need everything to get done today! I leave the house around 8am tomorrow and my flight leaves at 12:05pm. I really need everything to go well today and since I had planned to leave at 8am to get my visa and I'm still at my aunt's, it hasn't started every well.

Stocking Up

After I turned in my visa paperwork I returned home completely famished. I had left without much breakfast and waited until after lunch for my turn to submit my application. So when I got home I immediately started eating. All of a sudden my aunt says she's going to an estate sale and I can come with if I left right then. So, at her suggestion, I put my plate with pasta in the refrigerator, without a cover, a rushed out of the townhouse.
For those who don't know me, I can't wait to own my own place. I have been dreaming of buying, renovating, and decorating it for years. I've been told estate sales can have great finds for homes. Add to that I love shopping and there was no way I was missing my first estate sale.
We walked over there with a couple neighbors and it was a nice house. We couldn't see the entire home but it was probably a two, possibly three bedroom home with at least three bathrooms and a basement. Plus this awesome deck off the kitchen and a little yard below. The sale was actually held inside the house unlike garage sales which was cool. When you walked in there was this huge fireplace and an entire wall of bookshelves- there was actually a rolling ladder attached to help reach the higher shelves. I left with a movie for my mom, a book for me as well as a pair of earrings. When my aunt and I got back I decided to go back and look at the kitchen stuff.
I'll probably not have my own place for a while but someday I will. I had an apartment at one point so I already have some kitchen supplies just sitting in a box. Why not add a little more? It's not like I'll never have a kitchen. So I went back and returned with two wine bottles with tops connected and a clear milk jug. Both are made of glass and I have a couple ideas for their future uses. I bought all three for $11 so I feel like I didn't do too bad but I didn't bargain which I really regret. I seriously need to get over my fear of bargaining before going to China because there it's almost all bargaining.

Coming Up

My aunt who I live with just realized I'm leaving this Tuesday. I have to admit, it came up fast- so fast I'm still getting ready. I still have to turn in my visa paperwork and secure my loan. I also have to pack, get enough medicine for four months, exchange currency, pay off credit cards, and a couple other things. It's turning out to be a really busy week and it almost didn't happen! Monday it rained and I was just exhausted- thinking about all the things I still needed to finish made me anxious enough that to relax I'd force myself to sleep. Thankfully, Tuesday afternoon I had, like, five dreams in a row of me "waking up" and trying to get things done only to realize I was still asleep. After that I finally woke up and got started. My loan is almost secured; I signed my promissory note and faxed in some paperwork. Now I'm just waiting to hear what I have to do next. All my visa paperwork is filled out, I have the picture- I just need to take the L to the embassy and turn it in (did you know a visa costs $140). Then this weekend Jerry has offered to chauffeur me around to finish all the little things I needed a car to do (I hate driving).
And I just found out I'm babysitting tomorrow! More money but that leaves only Friday to turn in my visa... This is going to be tight.

The Home-Stretch

I finished my paper and my visa paperwork! I also tried to apply for my student loan but it didn't work for some reason so I'm going to have to do it over the phone on Monday. I still need to actually get my visa and my VPN as well as pack, (if anyone thinks of anything else feel free to remind me).
I'm really, incredibly bored. I usually spend time with Jerry on weekends but his friend Dan is on leave from California (or is it Nevada?) and so they're hanging out tonight. Which leaves me on this gorgeous day in Chicago with nothing else to do. And of course it would be the most beautiful day of the summer today while I sit inside. I did some work outside but eventually I needed to plug in my computer.
However, my aunt paid for lunch and a Starbucks drink so it isn't a total bust!

So Fly by Elle Varner

Where was this song when I was a kid? I uploaded the video/song so you can listen while you read. It's the acoustic version which I think is better. Lyrics in the video! :D

Two Weeks

It is exactly two weeks until I leave for China and all the major stuff I haven't accomplished yet. I haven't applied from my private loan for school (actually I did but I didn't have all of my information to complete it), I haven't finished the visa process, I don't have a VPN, and I haven't finished my paper from Spring semester (trimester, whatever). Add to this I'm recovering from what looks to be just a cold and something wrong with my eye. I was supposed to go to the doctor today for that but I didn't because I had to take Duffie to the vet and I haven't gotten my visa because last year I needed a doctor's note saying I was okay to travel and my doctor's out of town.
Pretty much the only thing I can do is my VPN and finish the paper....
I wonder how much a VPN costs...

Classics

So I decided I need to get back into reading, especially if I plan to be a writer. I need to study the best and mature my voice. So I turned to Google and found a number of lists of books that must be read before 30. Why before 30 I have no idea but most, if not all, of my friends are younger than thirty so I thought I'd share the link that refers to the first list I found and creates its own list.
I don't know about you but when I think of the classics I think of books that everyone has heard of and at least knows the title, or perhaps the author. Some of the books on these lists I've never heard of either.
For this reason, I'd add the Mary Poppins series and Alice in Wonderland, Sherlock Holmes, and The Phantom of the Opera which is also a book. These are stories we all know or at least recognize and have been altered and duplicated many times. So much so I feel like the source is a classic worth reading. Then there are books that we don't necessarily know the story but know the book like War and Peace and Anna Karenina (although that one is being made into a movie with Jude Law and Keira Knightly so the story will be known shortly). David Copperfield and Wuthering Heights also come to mind.
Just a thought.

Movie Editing

So I continued to play with that video I did yesterday and it turns out Windows Movie Maker can't do all of the things I want to do. It can only do really simple stuff. Anyone know of any programs for movie editing that can? (see previous post for details)

Preparing for China

So one of my friends Brittany is going away to Iowa for med school and so a couple friends got together for a last hurrah. We had a lot of fun walking around town, going into stores and what not. When all the stores were closed though we had some real fun in the apartment trying on ridiculously high heels!

Why am I telling you this? Because I decided I was going to make a video for everyone to watch once a week while I'm in China! Pictures are great but there's something missing that a movie seems to fill. However, I want my movies to be very entertaining and therefore trimmed, edited, and all that jazz which I've never done before. So we took a video of my friend Allison strutting her stuff in some super high heels and I started playing with it! It really just looks like I added music but I guess that's how good videos are supposed to look - like you didn't do much to it. Anyway here's my first video edit!! :D

I have a lot to learn I know. The beginning is on time but the rest doesn't match the beat. I'll have to play with it more and learn all the tricks to really get it great. For the record, this is my new camera I'm using to film and I used Windows Movie Maker to do all the editing. Eventually, I want to be able to mix videos together and really make it "professional." That way I can film for a long period of time and then just cut to good parts and cut out me moving the camera and what not. Another thing I want to do is cut out voices or have music covering it but then have voices come back and loud enough for the viewer to understand... I'll probably need to learn how to add subtitles as well, I mean, it will be China. God, I have a lot to figure out...

Finally Coming Together

Summer is almost over and I'll be leaving for China in less than a month. It seems absolutely crazy that's August is practically here. I spent my summer worrying about a paper and money and enjoying it only a day a week- what a waste! At any rate I'm finally getting that paper done. I have the outline done I just need to read through my last book source and gather some quotes and key points and then I'll be able to write. I had planned on doing that here at Starbucks but the internet is looming and too big a distraction so I think I'll go to the public library and write. Maybe I can find my last source there since I couldn't find another at the school library.
It's raining. Of course it's raining! Just when I get my discipline in order life throws a curve ball.
Well anyway I had a great revelation with my therapist. Basically I should have remained an English major. I actually started out as a creative writing major because I wanted to be a novelist but then the school I was accepted at only had English so I became an English major. I was planning on focusing on that when people began to tell me that I couldn't be a novelist. Or rather just a novelist. I needed a "real" job because apparently you can't make a living as a novelist unless you're J.K. Rowling. So that became my focus which has been very difficult to focus on when I always have my stories looming in my head. She and I decided that I should finish college and then pursue that passion since it is, in fact, my passion. Funny how it took four/five years of therapy to be able to admit that my passion is something that I can't make a living out of.... believe it or not that right there was really hard. It's always seemed naive to say "I want to be a novelist" because it's one of the arts. Kinda like admitting I was interested in acting. Stacey has far more confidence in herself than I ever will. That interest has passed for me however; I know I need routine in order to function at my best and acting doesn't provide that. Writing, however, I can make routine.
At any rate, that was the big thing in therapy yesterday, which I haven't been in for a while.
Now it's stopped raining and I should get to writing that paper.

Update on Life

I don't have internet and so I'm having to spend about $5 at Starbucks to use their internet. It doesn't actually cost anything but I feel like I need to buy something or they may kick me out. At any rate, it's pretty clear thanks partly to this I will not be able to save $880 to pay for my school apartment this summer. That and the fact work isn't giving me many hours. I will work four hours next week. When I was still in school my average was sixteen hours a week!
I bought my ticket to China and I leave at noon on August 21st. I get back and go to Atlanta on December 16th. That's five days away from being in China for four months. Ok, Mom bought the ticket. There's no way I had money with this work schedule. And my spontaneous spending. The experiment has failed- I can't work in retail and not spend money.
In other news I'm compensating for my income by walking my aunt's dogs. That helps a little bit.
Other than that nothing is really happening. I haven't seen my Chinese teacher in probably a month so my Chinese skills are low but I'm back to knitting! I'm knitting up a ton of stuff for myself and others. So far I'm knitting a hat for my sister that I promised her I'd give her for her birthday. This year I think but it's going to be a this Christmas gift. Eh, she at least this way she can wear it as soon as she gets it. She lives in Atlanta and her birthday is in March so it would really have been no use to her then.
Anyway, it is ridiculously cold in this Starbucks and I'm definitely dressed for a hot summer day so I think I'm going to fly.
Note to self: Look into VPNs and which are best for China.

Buddhist Temple

So for an assignment I had to write a reflective paper on a Buddhist service. I thought it might be appropriate to copy my paper here since it was for my "Chinese Religions" class.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I arrived at the Fo Guang Shan temple just minutes before the ceremony started. I quickly found my side and the procession began.  We paid our respect to the monks by bowing as they past us to go to the temple; however, they remained with their backs towards us, facing the three buddhas. I was a bit surprised, having only attended Christian ceremonies but after some thought decided this was far more affirming. Why would you turn your back to the symbol of the one you revere? For some reason, this simple act made the procession even more spiritual and less like someone taking the stage.

                We continued by chanting in a sing-song way various prayers with a lot of bowing. I instantly thought of my mother who had knee surgery as we lowered ourselves to the stools before us and remained in the full bowing position for a couple seconds. I watched as the elders slowly made their way down and slowly made their way back up, wondering if they would be shunned if they only bowed halfway to save their knees. I didn’t see anyone not go all the way down. I noticed over time it became easier for them to go down as it did for me. My knees didn’t hurt at all and usually they do with some bending. I realized somehow the way we were going down that I was using muscles in my legs instead of my knees and decided this was a pretty decent work-out. Perhaps all of this bowing helps your knees in the sense that you build the muscles around them?

                Finally we sat down and began to read/sing from this book. It was 47 pages long and we said 45 of them non-stop. The lead monk would take random breaks and I honestly wondered why he didn’t have a water bottle to keep his mouth from getting too dry. I admit I started to doze. I didn’t actually say the words but followed along and tried to read some of the translations. That’s when I realized this was like a scripture and as far as I knew the entire scripture (it was 45 pages). I wondered why the Christian services I had gone to didn’t read more scripture and perform less. After all, the sermons are more or less opinions- interpretations of a text that can be interpreted by anyone who reads it.

                After what seemed like forever we stood up once more and chanted numerous prayers again, multiple times, and proceeded with more bowing. When I finally thought it was over, I was pulled into a corner where a female monk prepared to translate the sermon for us. She had a hard time coming up with the right words and one man interrupted her with ridiculous questions about the times of meditation classes, so I’m not sure I received the entire message. From what I understood, the message was not to obsess on the superficial but to go deeper because by categorizing things you are already limiting yourself. It seemed like a very good sermon and I was frustrated I didn’t get more of it.

                At the end the monk announced today was someone’s birthday, or rather multiple someones. Triplets came down from the children’s area for us to present them with a cake and sing “Happy Birthday” to them. I left seriously considering returning if not for the Buddhism teachings then for the exercise and exposure to Chinese.

Depression and Anxiety

I am not doing well at all.
Let me get this out there so things can make sense. I have depression. Like, clinical depression that I take medication for and it appears to be caused by anxiety. I'm actually changing my medication at the moment because I was tired all the time and it wasn't completely working. Apparently, changing medications can bring about some crazy side effects. Honestly, I think the only side effects is my skin becoming oily. Also, I'm still getting to the proper dosage so it's not completely working. I keep making bad decisions when it comes to school. I'm fine with work however, thank god. At least I can pull myself together for work.
Basically, I'm good short-term but I haven't figured out how to handle everyday issues or long-term anything.

I'm currently failing my study abroad class and if I don't pick it up to a C+ I won't be going to Beijing. Which means I don't graduate with a East Asian Studies degree, just a History degree which I suppose is fine but I'm going to school for Chinese. I need to go to China to perfect my Chinese.

Depression sucks.

I am so Messed up Dude

As if the no post for a month wasn't a sign. I am constantly tired and therefore missing classes and not doing work so I can sleep. I was even late to work today! Real work! I never do that! I am my BEST on the job! So I saw my doctor Tuesday about it and we're switching my medication in hopes I will be more awake and focused and able to make better decisions like not go to sleep when I have class soon.
I am seriously fighting an uphill battle thanks to the two weeks of rock-bottom. I'm honestly just trying to keep my head above water until this semester is over. Then I can focus on two things: earning money for China and learning Chinese. The end- that's it- can't wait. I can't wait until the twenty things hanging over my head are gone and life can be simpler.

Fast Forward

Wow, this TRImester (feel better Beca?) started off like a shot! There's been so many things happening I don't know where to begin.
Well, I had my mandatory, make-up orientation meeting Tuesday and found out my application for the China program I want is 15 pages long. I also found out at that same meeting LOFT is hiring. I went to my first Study Abroad class which was overflowing with people so much that not everyone had a seat. I then was emailed by the head of the International Office to meet with her to discuss the 15 page application but I had to go with this girl from my Chinese class who already has a job and a class after our Chinese class and therefore little time. I'm really worried about waiting to the last possible minute because I might need to meet my doctor and get certain tests (Japan asks for chest X-rays!). I really hope we're able to find a time we can both meet.
Oh by the way, I was accepted to go to China :)
Also, I'm looking for a job because I've borrowed from my mom for too long (not that she would ever say that) and I've turned in applications for Paper Source, Barnes and Noble, and LOFT. I'd never shopped at LOFT before so when I went in I was very surprised. My friend Jennifer says I have a thing for stripes and their whole line is practically stripes. What I'm saying is if I work there I know where all my money will be going. It seemed like I had a really good chance at Paper Source so it's between them and LOFT. Barnes and Noble really wasn't hiring they just "are always accepting applications" so I don't expect to hear from them. Really I'd be interested at working at either place so we'll see what happens!
Hopefully having a job, plus study abroad meetings, plus papers and homework won't stress me out too much...

Fear

I ended up staying up until four in the morning watching West Wing. So we didn't get to my Grandma's until about noon. My mom called because Grandma thought we were supposed to meet in the morning. Apparently the first thing to go is the concept of time.
After going to the dog park Aunt Joy dropped me off at the dorm and here I've been. Why on Earth I'm terrified of this semester I have no idea because it's school. I've been doing school since I was five years old. I honestly wish I could continue to think of it so simply but then I rationalize it's college.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I'm probably going to wake up around seven but fall back asleep because it's cold on the first floor and I'm laying under a heated blanket. I'll finally wake up around nine after Duffie and Millie have been walked for the morning. I'll get dressed and head upstairs and have the strong urge to eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast but I have eggs in the fridge that I paid for along with broccoli, spinach, and sausage so I'll have eggs for breakfast and cookies for dessert. By ten I'll start packing my bags and getting everything together. I'll deflate the airbed and store it away along with anything out I can fit in my aunt's recently organized closet. I'll then get the vacuum and Swiffer wetjet and clean the first floor and the bathroom. By eleven my aunt will have the dogs in the car and we'll be heading over to Grandma's house to check on her and her dog. I don't know when we'll leave; it really depends on Grams. Then my aunt will take me to my dorm and that's that. The end of my spring break and the beginning of anxiety and fear of failing everyone but most importantly myself. The beginning of paper deadlines, lack of money, the need for a job but no time for one, less time seeing my boyfriend, and more time worrying about my Chinese skills not being where I want them to be.
Tomorrow begins the last spring semester of my undergraduate career.

More Spring Break

This weather seriously feels like summer and so I'm really going to be disappointed when school starts and I'm reminded I have a whole other semester until I'm done.
So I've just been walking my aunt's dogs Millie and Duffie. Not having a meal plan and having to buy my own food really shows how much it costs to eat! Most of money has gone to food!
Actually this St. Patrick's Day I tried to see the parade with my boyfriend but we thought we missed it so we left. We ended up going to Chinatown for lunch and then I bought three children's books in Chinese. Almost all of them are teaching children English! I was really surprised. Anyway, I planned on trying to read them each day and translate them and learn the new characters in them but I've been relaxing. I even said I'd study but this weather is SO beautiful I can't possibly do anything remotely like work. I really just want to knit but of course all of my things are at the dorm.
It's going to be really hard to force myself to stay inside and do work this semester.

Spring Break

So this week has been crazy thanks to finals so I'm sorry I haven't kept up posting. Anyway, my spring break didn't start off well because I found out last minute my Chinese teacher wanted me to do more work. The first couple days of spring break! Really?! School's over! I thought I'd get to relax! Clearly not yet. It's due today at 10am and I only just figured out my aunt's internet so I have to go!

Not One Less

I just finished watching the other movie I bought because I had to wait for my internet time to restart. It's called "Not One Less" and it's about a substitute teacher who's 13 years old- not much older than some of her students. After about a week of teaching, one of her students drops out of school and goes to the city to pay off his family's debt. She goes to the city to find him but doesn't and no one is much help until her story catches the eye of a TV station.
It's really a movie about poverty and very interesting. Actually, it looks like the director got the actual people to play their parts- Like this is a true story. It at least says the people are playing themselves. I hope they got paid to do so. Anyway, it was really interesting. I'd recommend it but it was hard to understand because they have an accent. My Chinese teacher warned me but I'd already bought it. There's another movie I found out about called "Please Vote For Me" which seems to be a documentary. That's going to be the next movie I buy... I don't know when that will be but it will definitely be the next movie.
Anyway, I need to get back to work. I have a presentation tomorrow at 1pm and my final paper is due at 4pm on Tuesday but I really want to turn it in before that. I did all my Chinese make-up work except for the worksheets. I have a lot of ideas but I feel like I need to focus on the other work.

Make-up Work

Today was dedicated to homework, particularly the make-up work assigned to me by my my Chinese teacher. I've really got most of it done but I don't have all of it done and since my boyfriend can no longer make it I have all of Sunday to finish it which is why I don't feel the least bit guilty about staying up until 1:30 AM watching West Wing.

End of the Semester

About this time things are always crazy. You're rushing around trying to turn in all that work that for some reason your teacher decided to save to the last week of class. You're reading over notes and passages, studying for exams. I had my oral final in Chinese today and it didn't go so well. We ended up talking about the future and my plans. She was pretty supportive of my language teaching interests and, to make up for assignments and my oral final, I'm supposed to come up with worksheets that, I feel, would be better practice than our workbooks. I don't think there's anything super terrible about the workbook except that the questions go from super easy it's practically a waste of time to super hard and tenuous very quickly. Plus, they aren't fun and I think if you can, you should always try to make learning fun. It's kind of like the Mary Poppins saying "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."
Did I really just quote a Disney movie? Yes, yes I did.
Anyway, I have a lot of ideas but it's all about whether or not I can do them in time. I have until Tuesday of this week and today is.. technically Friday. I also have the paper due tomorrow to work on, a presentation and fact sheet due Monday and another final paper due Tuesday. So there's going to be a lot to do this weekend. But after this it's over and I'll have a fresh start!

I Have a Follower!

So I go on blogger just to look at the stats and it tells me I have a follower! *gasp!* There someone out there actually following me! I was so excited because there's all of a sudden been many people from many different countries reading my posts and so I was really curious to see who it was!
It's my boyfriend. :p Aw, yay. :)
Anyway, today was absolutely gorgeous here! All I needed was a long sleeve shirt and jeans. I hope it's nice for everyone else because I know some of you are on Spring Break now.
Today has all been about politics for me and I was thinking how I've never really been interested in politics until recently. Then I realized I've actually been watching politics since I was 13.
Have you ever watched West Wing?
It's really a great show- even as a kid I loved it. There's an episode in particular I was thinking about tonight that I thought I'd share a bit with you. It's one where Chinese people fled China because they were Christian and China was not treating Chinese Christians very kindly at that time. I'm not sure they treat them any better now but anyway, I digress. So China wants their people back and the White House is trying to figure out if these people are just trying to get into the United States or if they are in fact persecuted Christians. The president, who somehow can know everything about history and religion and tell it in a way where I want to grab some popcorn, decides to speak with their leader and guide the conversation to a little known passage in the Bible where a person said a word to reveal they were a follower. The Chinese leader retells the passage to the president and thus the president believes him and the Chinese Christians are saved.
If only everything could be that easy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhwLj2qIT4k

This is unfortunately the best clip I could find. On another note I found this clip while searching for the other I hope you find it as amusing as I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcCgmjqDA7k

Directions

Today in Chinese we reviewed for the written exam which is on Wednesday. It was all pretty boring at first but then she had us get into pairs and give directions to someplace on a map in Chinese. We all kind of took turns making fun of everyone's maps 9we had to draw it on the board) and directions. I thought that was great because if you can't laugh about your mistakes they're going to eat you alive. Also, getting up and having to think on the spot how to tell someone to turn right was better than just hearing my teacher explain it. I'm really seeing how thinking on the spot benefits learning a language.

Life

Haven't done a thing of Chinese today. I spent all day doing things for Modern European history.
This coming week is the final week of the semester save the two days of a presentation and a final paper so I'm really anxious. I really just want to be done with this semester and start fresh. Plus, at the end of this semester I learn whether or not I've been accepted into the Study Abroad program. If I am, I plan on spending my spring break applying for a couple scholarships because I'll certainly need it. I'll probably do a little bit of knitting as well and hopefully some babysitting to bring in some income.

Mapo Restaurant

Today our Chinese teacher invited us to an Asian restaurant called Mapo. Actually it's kind of part of our grade because we have to accept three of her invitations to do Chinese things outside of class. The last one I did was attend a meeting about travelling to China in December so I could answer any questions the students interested might have about China. However, today was much more relaxing, we just had to order in Mandarin. I didn't have an actual Chinese meal though; I had fried rice. Fried rice in China is not at all like the fried rice here. In China it's white rice with peas and eggs and maybe a few vegetables. Here it's somehow brown because, I'm guessing, they put some type of sauce in it. I knew it was going to be more than I could eat in one sitting and I'm broke so I ordered something I knew I'd like and could take home with me.
In China the portions are usually huge because it's "family style." Basically, the dishes are meant for everyone and everyone eats everything so only one person pays. In China, people actually fight to pay the bill. You can then imagine how crazy it was to try to have separate bills by the end of the meal since none of what we ordered was actually by us. The Chinese sit at circular tables and there's a platform on the table that spins. So you put the dishes on the center platform and spin it so everyone can get to the food easier.
I'm really glad I went because I get to spend outside time with people studying what I'm studying. All of my friends here are psychology and education majors. Except for a physics major, biology major, and then a chemistry major. Oh, and an English major. I'm really the odd one out in the group so it's always nice to spend time with people also learning Chinese.

Skits

Are skits really that helpful with learning a language? I don't believe so. I would think teachers ask us to perform the skit so we can hear the phrases "in a real-life setting" but is it really that when the lines are memorized and butchered? Can't we just read the dialogues and examples given in the book to see how the phrases are used in real-life? A teacher might object that we aren't then practicing speaking and to that I ask couldn't we just read the dialogues out loud? A teacher might then say the entire point of skits is to practice the phrases with memorization. My argument is wouldn't being asked on the spot to respond to a question and forced to think be more beneficial than memorization?
So are skits really that helpful with learning a language?

Four Fails

In Chinese, 8 is the luckiest number, which is essentially why the Olympics in China began on 08/08/08 and at 8 o'clock. The unluckiest number in China is 4 and today I had 4 fails.
So I was getting my blood work done this morning which meant getting up early. I got breakfast and caught the train and managed to get to the lab where they were taking my blood 20 minutes early.
Good thing too because I had forgotten the sheet with all the information regarding which tests they needed to do.
Luckily I called the doctor and had them fax the sheet to the lab. I still call forgetting the sheet Fail #1.
Well, it turned out their computers had been down that morning so the lab was running behind. Thirty minutes later I emerged blood taken and immediately started walking the wrong way to the train station. I soon corrected myself but then went the wrong way again.
I missed the train.
This really wouldn't have been so bad except that I had a mandatory meeting at noon about the Study Abroad program and that was the last train that would get me there in time. I called the office and the receptionist called me back and said I needed to get someone to get the paperwork for me or pick it up from the office but there "were no make-ups" so I'd have to learn what happened from people who were there. Fail #2.
I, however, did get to spend lunch with my boyfriend so that was nice.
So I caught the next train at 12:30 but lunch had made me tired so I set an alarm to wake me up right before my stop. The alarm went off a little early but I figured I could manage. All of a sudden a man is talking over the intercom saying this is the last stop and we all need to get off. I missed my stop. Luckily there was another train leaving in about 30 minutes so I just hung out but I did have to pay for the one stop we passed to get to mine. Fail #3.
By the time I got to my dorm it had felt like a long day and so I decided to take a nap because I was still tired. I ended up sleeping right through class and finally woke up at 7:05, five minutes after my therapy session started. Luckily, I called her and told her I was coming so I didn't miss it entirely but, yeah, Fail #4.

I understand these could have all been worse but really- all of these in one day? Seriously?

More Info on Living in Beijing

I felt like I had already found everything I could possibly want to find about living in Beijing and then I found the official Beijing/China website. On there you can learn the history of various tourist attractions there among other things. What I found most interesting is the page that talks about the laws, residence permits, and how to buy a proper house. There's also lists of foreign hospitals and foreign neighborhoods. It even has a section dedicated to the student district.
Here's the website.

Nothing to Say

I didn't go to Chinese Monday because my ankle hurt and it's been a long term problem so I went to the doctor instead. Now, because I also have hip problems, I'm having blood work done and an x-ray of my hip being taken. And this is all happening during my second to last week of classes- just as I need to be researching and writing papers.
sigh, this term needs to end.

Au Pair Part 2

I really hate this going back and forth between places- even if it's just on weekends. It completely throws me off when it comes to writing these things and doing homework.
Anyway, so I decided to tell my mom about the au pair program. For those of you who haven't heard me talk about her won't know that if I ever complain about her it's about how she never gives her opinion on anything.
For example, I have a dream (perhaps a "goal" would be better) to be fluent in French. I took about four or five years of it in school and I feel like it would be a waste of those years to not at least try to become fluent in it. So I decided I would spend my last year in college taking classes again and really try to speak it. However, taking Chinese and French at the same time seemed really daunting but I really wanted to learn. I talked it over with my boyfriend who's opinion I hold higher than probably anyone else's and my mom. My mom is always supportive so I don't know why I always try to get her opinion. She believes I am "impressionable" and therefore is afraid I'll change my mind I guess? I don't know. Anyway she was very supportive. However, when it came down to it I realized I really needed to focus on Chinese because I wasn't doing as well in it as I wanted to be doing and so gave up the plan. About a week later I'm talking to my mom and I tell her I'm not taking French and I'm just going to do Chinese. Well that "just" led to inquiries which revealed my mom believed I was planning on dropping Chinese entirely and picking up French as my major. Which would mean, like, two more years in college.
Are you kidding me?!
Your daughter is about to throw a year of work away when she's so close when she's already so much in debt and you believe she's absolutely crazy and you don't say anything?!
So when I told my mom about the au pair program I was expecting her support and maybe catching a little of whatever she might actually be worried about.
Yeah, that's not what happened.
She flat out said no. I'm not doing it.
Her reason was very good and something I hadn't thought about. Not that I don't believe it is a great opportunity and great experience but she mentioned, among other things, my loans. I have to start paying one loan three months after I graduate. That first bill might be around $200 and even if I were paid the top amount of 1200 RMB (or kuai) for the program the exchange rate would allow me to pay the bill. And then 6 months after graduating I have to start paying off everything and the bill will be higher than that. So going for a year is out of the question. Honestly, going for 3 months might be out of the question, not only because of the loans but because of the program costs! They end up equally between $400 and $500 dollars. In 3 months, at the top pay I'd make about $571. That's barely breaking even- I might as well save that money to pay the loan.
So Mom said no and she was right. The money isn't there. This still begs the question why on earth did she not say anything about two more years of college and therefore two more years of loans?!

Au Pair Program

I just got back from a study abroad meeting about a chance to visit China during the D-Term (December term: in a trimester program we have December off). I was there to talk about my experiences in China and help anyone who was interested. Anyway, there was a lady there talking about another program that's not affiliated with the school. Basically, you have the chance to be an au pair for a Chinese family for 3 months, 6 months, or a full year. I'm really interested but she said it was best to do before you graduate; however, the only time I have before I graduate to do this would be this summer. That would mean I'd be in China 6 months straight, assuming I'm accepted to the Fall program. I don't know if I can really do that, I mean, especially on short notice. I mean, I technically could. Really, I just don't want to be separated from my boyfriend for that long. That one month I spent in China was like torture so we'll see how 3 months goes for the Fall program with the school.
I think what I'll end up doing is going to China this fall and then after I graduate I'll decide if I want to stay for another 3 months, 6 months, or go the full year. I know you get something more if you sign up for a year. The pay is equal to the amount paid for English teachers there and you get free Chinese classes with this program along with guided tours.

If your interested in this program just email apply@eastArete.com and they'll be able to send you the application. There is a $200 security deposit and I don't know if there are refunds if you drop out so you'll have to ask.

VPN

If you've ever been to China then you know they don't have Facebook. They also don't have Youtube or Gmail which probably means they don't have Blogger either. When I first went there last summer I had no idea these websites were blocked and was devastated. So this year I'm definitely getting a VPN so I can still use Facebook and blog about my experiences. I found an article that lists their best picks for VPNs for China. The average price is $20, which I expected. There are free ones but they aren't supposed to be as good.

Addition: I realized I never explained what a VPN is. Basically it's like a webpage that allows you to view other webpages within it. At least that's how it looks on a computer. That's how I get past the firewall. Ok! The End!

"Learning XYZ as a second language"

I just finished reading a blog entry that was about successful language learning which I found very interesting. It took into account and looked at language learning from a different angle. I'm not going to copy-and-paste the whole thing here because I feel like that'd be plagiarism so I'll just post the link. I really think you should look at it though; I found it very interesting.

Commenting on the entry, (I'm assuming you read it) I'm going to have to agree through my own experiences. I've had teachers where there was little-to-no challenge and learned some and a teacher that was difficult to understand and learned nearly nothing. I'm not sure if she was implying that it was anyone's fault or rather stating an observation. I believe you should cater to your audience.

I'm going to be fine

http://www.stuckinbeijing.com/beijingprices.php

Spaghetti - 500g	¥11.90	$1.88
Ragu Spaghetti Sauce - 737g	¥28.60	$4.54

Oh yes. I will be just fine in Beijing. :)

...when suddenly...

I actually sat down to write characters. It is the one thing I know I need to do but could never bring myself to do on my own. So I was writing each phrase/character about 20x each when suddenly the coffee cup on the side table exploded.
No seriously, I was just sitting at the opposite side of the room and it just.. well, nothing touched it... my best guess is because it had been dirty for a while and the coffee cracking that perhaps it cracked the cup. It was sitting right on the edge of the table so maybe it cracked, lost it's balance, fell, and smashed to smithereens. It took another coffee mug down with it but thankfully that one survived. The other didn't.
I screamed.
I was all alone in the dorm just writing my characters, minding my own business when I heard something move and then crack! smash! And then the other cup fell down with it! Pieces of ceramic all over the floor. I really couldn't help myself.
And that was my experience of doing what I should be doing. Getting scared out of my wits and having a mess to clean.

BLCU Housing Info

I thought this was really interesting.
A Chinese forum where someone decided to talk about their experiences with the housing staff. It's first come, first serve and there's no possibility to reserve. That's makes me wonder how things will happen with our school. I wonder if we'll be staying at the Student International place or the Conference Center or if we're going to be on my own. I hope we aren't on our own because I don't expect my Chinese to be very good. However, the program I'm trying to join I'm pretty sure I'm on my own. We'll see. Definitely some interesting information though.
Just in case it wasn't clear, this is the school I've applied to study at. This is a video someone made of the campus too!

Study Abroad

I went to Chinese class today which is now all about creating a Chinese persona. There are two people in my class who will be at Peking University this coming fall and are very excited and celebrating. I'm of course still waiting. However, we had a guest today, the lady in charge of study abroad, so I asked her what to expect and what "pending" actually meant. She said as long as my GPA doesn't go down I'll be fine. I'll know as soon as my grades are turned in from this semester whether or not I'm going.
So that's good news but at the same time that's still pressure on making sure these classes are good.
Oh, and Gap isn't hiring. They just keep that application thing up all the time. Go figure- I'm going to try Barnes and Noble next probably.

College is Hard

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with this lately. I've had a lot of things due and I haven't been managing my time wisely (of course). Actually the biggest problem was that, although a lot has been happening with me, none of it has anything to do with Chinese. That is, until today.
Today I received a letter regarding my application to study abroad this Fall and my acceptance is "pending" because my GPA isn't high enough. I have so many credits that even though I've retaken classes my GPA only went up .1 points. Not even kidding, just a point 1. As if I didn't need anymore pressure regarding the classes of this term. I also found out I will need $400 to deposit by March 30th and take a class during the spring term.  The latter means I might have to drop a class with a teacher I really like and have had twice this year because she gives too much work for me to handle four classes. The former means I really need to call Gap and find out the status of my application. That, or win the lottery.
I haven't heard anything from the companies I sent my resume to, inquiring about possible internship opportunities. That doesn't seem like a good sign.

Grammar Book

All I have to say today is I lent someone my Chinese textbook because I had bought a Chinese grammar book and figured that could answer any of my questions. I'm not saying it doesn't have the grammar I'm looking for within it but the chapter summaries aren't helping me find it! What a waste. I have another grammar book which isn't supposed to be as good but I know it described it's contents by their proper grammatical terms so perhaps I'll be able to find what I'm looking for in there.

The grammar book first mentioned is titled Modern Mandarin Chinese Grammar: A Practical Guide. The second grammar book is titled English Grammar for Students of Chinese.

More Advice On Learning Chinese

Sorry sorry sorry! I meant to blog about this Saturday but I celebrated Valentine's Day and totally forgot.
Anyway, Friday my Chinese class had a guest who has been studying Chinese for 50 years. He gave us a lot of  advice that I'd like to share.

1. Be a 4 year old.-Basically, your new at learning the language so don't be too hard on yourself. Speak elementary Chinese if you have to!
2. Open your ears- listen to everything and mimic the natives.
3. Memorize- he specifically mentioned writing characters a bunch of times and building your vocabulary.
4. Read the Newspaper - he specifically said the newspaper because they use set terms and write to the masses.
5. Absorb everything, go with the flow - he specifically mentioned learning sayings and the history. Apparently, to understand some of the sayings you need to understand the history. You also need to know some Chinese poetry and literature.
6. Geography- this one I added from another guest we had earlier. He said knowing the geography sets you apart from other Westerners because it shows an added interest in the country. It also would certainly help you when trying to get around or understand somethings.
7. Take on a Chinese Persona! - He said if you act Chinese you're more believable and you pick up more. He said it was a lot like acting.

One girl asked about how to reorganize your thoughts because some Chinese phrases aren't put together like ours or you have to have them in a different order. He said the only thing to do was "drill, drill, drill."

But what was most interesting to me was the fact he was not taught characters for two months in his first language classes. He said they used a textbook but focused on pronunciation and pinyin. Overtime his class slowly learned characters.

This goes back to my theory of why on earth are we taught everything at once (reading, writing, listening, speaking) when we naturally learn a language through listening and speaking first. It honestly must be because of a time crunch. I see no other good reason when I can't think of one person who learned everything at once and is fluent in the language.

The Painting

I woke up today thinking about this piece of art my Dad gave me since I'm so interested in East Asia. It was given to him by his dad, who served in WWII in the Pacific. I'm not sure if he got it there or if he bought it somewhere here in America but it's definitely East Asian. There's no seal on it so I can't know who made it. My guess is the buildings in the painting are Chinese architecture but I'm not an expert. The scene was also painted on a fabric, but I don't think it's silk. There are some words but they're in characters which both Japan and China use. All I can really rule out is Korea. One of these days I'll take it to someone who can actually tell me about it. Until then, I'm just going to have to keep calling it "The Painting."

Disorganization

I presented my Chinese presentation on Chicago and it went well.
I wish I had more to say tonight but I am SO tired. I feel like I ran around all day today. My midterm in Chinese is Friday. Also, my teacher is recruiting people to join this class about Chinese movies. It seems like as long as she reaches a certain number of people then she can have the class. Honestly, I just want to wait until it's accepted and then join by just clicking "register" and not filling out paperwork, writing a one-page statement about why I want the class, and then making a meeting with my adviser to have her sign things.
It's all just incredibly unorganized which I'm starting to feel like is a trait of people who grow up in mainland China.

Excruciating

I have a presentation in Chinese tomorrow and I have to create and memorize 12 sentences. Why is that so hard? I think it's worse than normal because I don't know what to say even in English. But still, creating a sentence is worse than waiting for the bus in the middle of winter.

God, when is this going to get easier?

How to Learn Chinese Characters

I have always had a problem with remembering Chinese characters or 汉字。So finally after doing poorly on a number of quizzes I decided to ask around. I've decided to post the tips here in case there's someone else with the same problem reading this. That person can then find the tool that works best for them.

1. Write the Characters
The most popular tip I've found is just writing the characters. It sounds easy but I mean write them each at least twenty times. The repetition is supposed to fix it in your memory and your hand gets the feel of the character- almost like imprinting it on your brain. The problem is after a while of not using the character it can be forgotten and you would have to write them all over again so you need to keep using the characters and keep them fresh in your mind.

2. Create a Story
Another technique I've heard is creating a story based on the character to help you remember what each character means and how to write it. There are a number of books that you can buy that use this approach and teach characters with pictures next to them to help you envision the story. The most common example I've heard is the story behind 好 which means "good"。The left-side means "woman" and the right-side means "boy; child." The story goes that it's good if a woman has a boy in Chinese society.

3. Flashcards
A tool that can really be used for learning anything is using flashcards. I've personally used this before and it works wonderfully. After a while of using them in different ways I can recognize the characters as well as how to pronounce them and their meanings. The problem I found with this system is that I can't produce the characters but scribble something close to the image in my mind.

4. Teaching Someone Else
It's like you're reviewing except you're so focused on teaching/helping the other person it won't feel as much as a chore.

5. Read the Dictionary
A recent technique I found was simply reading a Chinese dictionary. The dictionary is written by sound and one will notice eventually how characters of the same sound are written similarly. Characters are made of components, one part phonetic (how it sounds) and another part semantic (meaning). Sometimes a character can give clues to both phonetic and semantic. One teacher concluded  "Thus my method of teaching characters consists of breaking down characters into phonetic families and teaching the students how an addition of one or more semantic components to a phonetic one builds up a new character."

6. Master the Radicals
A lot of sources talk about learning the radicals, which are apart of every character. Once you've mastered those, you will notice how characters are just combined characters even easier. This is also good because if you need to know a character but don't know the pinyin or the meaning then you must look up the character by it's radical.

7. Speak as you Write
This technique is just as it sounds. As you write the character say the character aloud.

I found one website that had a lot of advice on how to practice Chinese once you learn which strategy works for you.

Good Luck!

Bound Feet

I had a read a few novels describing bound feet but it is something else when you actually see bound feet.

I guess I should stop complaining about how much skinny jeans hurt...

Internships

Today I started looking for internships. I actually applied for one over a week ago but they haven't contacted me at all and so I'm looking into other places. I actually saw one that was really interesting for Seattle University. It was a summer camp that dealt with immersion for students learning Mandarin and I would be a teacher's assistant. This meant I would help collect and grade papers but I would also be taught how to evaluate students' progress and other language teaching skills. The pay was $500 which wouldn't help me much at all. I'd need a place to stay after all and I doubt $500 would do it... It was two weeks long so a hotel room for two weeks for about $70/night... yeah, no, I'd have one week paid...
Then I noticed the camp was for the year 2010... not 2012..
I still might ask if the university is hosting the camp again this summer because the idea is really to be around the language as much as possible and that would definitely be helpful. Maybe now they offer more money too. I'll have to email the person and ask.
Anyway, there are a number of companies in Chicago that teach Chinese and deal with Chinese but I haven't seen any possible internships. I'll have to start emailing around asking if they need free/cheap labor.

Aftershock

I just finished watching one of the movies I had bought. It's called Aftershock and it's about the earthquake in Tangshan city in 1976 where 240,000 people perished. It is absolutely the most sad story I have ever heard but at the same time it's very good. I really can't say anymore or I'll give the story away. It was incredibly moving.
There are a couple things I want to say about it. For one thing, it features the Red Guards. Apparently, they were part of the Tangshan rescue crew. They also show the Red Guards still together when Mao dies. I thought they were disbanded before then but China probably knows their own history better than I know it.
Also, they featured English in the movie, which was interesting. They had a Canadian in the movie but.. the English was all wrong... or he didn't act at all... I can't put my finger on it. The main woman and the daughter spoke English but this guy spoke English as if he were reading off a script, with little to no emotion whatsoever. It was like I was watching one of those language learning movies and they told the actor not to put emotion in his voice because the students would have a harder time understanding him. It was very weird. The movie was absolutely incredible though.
My eyes are completely red from crying but I am so glad I bought this movie.

Chinese is Hard and My Teacher is Insane

I have a presentation due in Chinese this Friday on Chicago.
I've gotten to the point with our new teacher that I just do what she says and don't think about how crazy it is or the lack of warning. However, now that it's getting closer to Friday and I'm seriously thinking about what's required for this assignment I'm a little miffed.
It's not the fact I have a lot of other work. It's not the fact she changed what the assignment actually was on Monday after she had told us the assignment the Friday before. No, I'm upset because I have to memorize everything I have to say. Which is about six answers on the first slide and two on each of the 5 slides following. So I have at least eight sentences I have to have memorized before class on Friday. Eight sentences may not sound like much but I basically failed the vocabulary quiz this week and I actually studied for that.
Basically I'm screwed is what I'm saying.
On another note I turned in my application to study abroad in Beijing today!
On another note, in order to afford the $50 late fee and turn it in today I had to basically forfeit finishing a paper  in a class I've already missed a paper for.
Time management. I'm on it. Hopefully it's not too late for that class.

芝加哥

Today we began discussing our midterm project in Chinese to create a slideshow that would introduce the students in China to Chicago or 芝加哥. I think it's pretty cool that we're doing this for the students over there. Apparently, they're going to make brochures/slideshows for us about Beijing which will be awesome for me because then I can use them when I get over there. We have to describe the weather and the people and what we do for fun. I got the feeling most people in my class didn't hang out in Chicago very much. I'm the only one who picked an area that isn't a tourist attraction.

It should be really fun but she wants us to memorize our slideshows and present them to the class that way. Then the next week we'll edit them for the Chinese students. I studied my new vocabulary words more than I usually do and failed. It's ridiculous. I don't know what to do! The only thing I can think of would be to write them constantly (which is what was required from my last teacher) but I just don't have to time to dedicate to something not required.

I seriously need to consider seeing the school counselors about time management.

Missed the Parade

So of course now that I could get a grade for going to the Chinatown parade I don't go.
Instead I did absolutely nothing regarding Chinese today. I did however try to watch something relating to Korea today. There's a documentary I watched in my Korean history class called "Dear Pyongyang" by Yonghi Yang. It's about a family that was separated due to the father sending his three sons to North Korea in the 70s. There was heavy propaganda in Japan painting North Korea as a prospering place in an attempt to wipe out the Korean-Japanese population living in Korea. It's supposed to be about the father and the daughter trying to understand why he decided to split up the family and his continued loyalty to the government that let him down, but I was more influenced by the video of life inside North Korea. It seemed like Chicago during the summer some weeks, when it seems everyone decided to leave town at the same time. It looked like half the population was missing. I think that's because the square was so large and and the buildings so tall but very few people outside. It was a really interesting documentary. I wanted to watch it again today but I couldn't find a reliable site to download it from. There's supposed to be a sequel called "Goodbye Pyongyang" but I haven't found a version with English subtitles yet.

Speaking of Chinese

I forgot to write! I'm sorry! I had a long day yesterday, going to class and then travelling to Chicago.
I started reading that book I bought, the one about the history of Chinese. At least, that's what I thought it was about. It kinda is but it's also about the mechanics of Chinese, which I already know. It was also first published in 1975 and, although it was updated in 2001, they didn't look into the characters.For those who know a little about the history of China or Chinese, Simplified Chinese characters came around the 1970s, clearly after this book was first published, which made it a bit difficult to read. Although the history of Chinese is only covered in one chapter, the later chapters discuss modern Chinese and Chinese calligraphy so they should still be interesting. At least I hope so.
The other book I bought is a grammar book which I had hoped I could skim through and find pieces of grammar I don't understand in class. Unfortunately, the book uses grammar terms in the chapter names, instead of showing which characters are the focus of the chapter. It still looks like a good book and hopefully I'll find time to look through it more thoroughly.
Tomorrow is the Chinese New Year Parade in Chicago's Chinatown. I'm meeting up with my class there to watch it but I think my boyfriend and I will do our own thing. We saw it with friends last year and had a fine time. Afterward, I have to write a paper on my experience for my Chinese class. Oh well, at least I have a reason besides being lame to see it this year!

The book is Speaking of Chinese the 2001 edition by Raymond Chang and Margaret Scrogin Chang.

不好

Sun 老师 gave me a book with some DVDs in it Monday for me to watch. She said it was a sit-com like our "Everybody Loves Raymond." I managed to watch some today and wasn't that impressed. It's specifically made to learn Chinese. Have you ever noticed that whenever a show is specifically made to learn a language it's really lame or unrealistic? That's basically the feeling I got from this. I couldn't understand anything they were saying but the acting made me think that way. It came with a textbook that contains transcripts of the dialogues but... I'm just not feeling it.
On another note, my two books came in! So I'll have something to read on the train to Chicago tomorrow!

The show was "Home with Kids" and the book says at the top "A Multi-skill Chinese Course."

Awwww! Pandas!!

Oh my goodness. So both of my books and one of my movies arrived today. I just finished watching it and it's the Disney movie about the friendship between a boy and a panda cub. It was absolutely adorable and definitely for children. At the very beginning I was criticizing the shots, and the really lame effects but eventually I told myself to shut up and really enjoyed the movie.
Even better, because the movie is about a young boy (who seems to be played by a Japanese boy?) the language was very simple and so even though my listening skills are poor, I was able to catch some phrases I understood! Next time I watch it I'm going to turn the subtitles off and really try to listen now that I know the story line.
The movie was "Trail of the Panda," by Disney and filmed in the Sichuan Province just before and just after the earthquake. It was also a live action film.

Is it just me?

So this doesn't necessarily pertain to Chinese; it can be applied to any language.
Is there a reason that language classes aren't taught as we humans naturally learn? Why is it reading and writing and speaking and listening seem to all be taught right from the beginning in unison? Like, we learn to listen and understand first and then respond through speaking while we're infants. Therefore, why do teachers not focus on that mimicry first and then after a couple weeks or something move on to teach the alphabet (or for Chinese the radicals which are the basic building blocks of characters) and then the common and/or simple words? Wouldn't be more appropriate to follow the steps in which we naturally learned our own language?
Going back to my experience learning three different languages (which I first mentioned in a previous post), let me further explain them since I've been taught by more than one teacher for all three. I had 3 different French teachers, 2 different Japanese teachers, and 2 different Mandarin teachers. They've all been taught with everything beginning in unison. This just seems to be how it's done in all language classes. The only exception I can think of would be my first Mandarin teacher, Fu Laoshi, [laoshi, or 老师, means "teacher" and is always behind the surname] who spent two weeks explaining the different tones and forcing to be able to hear the differences between them and be able to produce them. Why is this not the norm?
I'm just wondering if there's research to say this doesn't work or if it's just because of lack of time. You would think after being taught in 4 different schools, two of which were colleges, I would have witnessed some major differences in styles of teaching. Anyone have anything? Otherwise, I'm about to make it my mission to become a teacher and teach a language this way and see what happens.

International Law

So I ended up purchasing three movies in Mandarin which will arrive sometime this week. Thankfully, I checked and all of them are Region 1 DVDs so I'll be able to view them.
What does Region 1 mean you ask?
That is the Region for the United States and Canada. Basically, a DVD has to be Region 1 in order for it to work in our DVD players and computers in North America because they are made for Region 1 DVDs. In China, the region is 6. Therefore, in order to view a Region 6 DVD, I have to own a freaking DVD player that can play Region 6 DVDs.
Can't all DVD players do that?
No. Apparently there is an international law that prohibits the existence of a DVD player that is "region free" or "multi-region." 
Why on earth does that law exist? Shouldn't it be a good thing to be able to watch what someone in France or China or Turkey is watching? We are becoming so global that this idea that we're basically separating ourselves through what we view seems like an effort by governments to promote nationalism in the sense they are trying to keep us separate and unable to relate. (I only say nationalism because I've been forced to read Imagined Communities by Benedict Anderson and therefore have it on the brain). That or there's a law so the movie industry can make more money. Either reason sounds entirely possible at this point in our greedy society.
It's absolutely ridiculous that I have to buy a DVD player from China just to watch The Little Mermaid in Mandarin and hear what the children in China hear. It should work in my own DVD player. All DVD players should be able to play a movie from all over the world and don't tell me that's not possible since it IS possible to organize a system where it is freaking illegal.

Dubbed Disney

So one of my friends who seems pretty fluent in Spanish advised I watch Chinese dubbed Disney movies because watching dubbed Disney movies helped her.
Where on earth do you find those things?! I've looked all over YouTube and read a few forums that say you can buy bootleg versions in Chinatown or just search the internet more. I feel like there should be a website that offers a bunch of Disney movies with different language options so people like me who are trying to learn a second language can watch the movies we loved as a kid say lines we know by heart in another language...
I think I just thought of my get-rich-quick plan... ;)