The last two weeks were pretty rough and I fell behind in coursework. So far behind I felt overwhelmed, like I would never be able to finish everything and would fall behind on my capstone paper as well. Although I'm still not completely caught up, I have finished five and only have three more to go (I know, I got really behind! In my defense, everything was due the past two weeks..). I'm a little proud of myself but not completely because if I hadn't stressed myself out, thinking about how much I needed to finish instead of thinking about one assignment at a time, I could have caught up a long time ago and be working on my major capstone paper right now.
Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself together earlier.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
Grandma
My mom informed me I haven't updated in a while and so here I am making an update.
These past two weeks have had a lot happen- my grandmother was put in a nursing home and my cat, Angel, died unexpectedly. I also had the rough draft to the paper that will basically decide whether I graduate or not due. God must have been curious to see how I'd handle such enormously stressful events coming right before the due date of what I consider the most important assignment of this semester.
And believe it or not I did alright. I could have done better but I managed to turn my mood around and get what needed to be done finished and turned in. I still have some assignments I need to work on that are overdue but due to the circumstances I did pretty well. My therapist thinks so too- I even ended our session early this week.
Tonight Grandma and Mom picked me up unexpectedly to have dinner. Grandma wanted to see where I work and so we went to the LOFT and then went to Girodano's for dinner. I decided a little while ago that I needed to start asking Grandma as much as possible before she can't remember anything due to the Alzheimer's. I asked her what it was like to live during World War II and then if she remembered the day the war was over. I asked her about how she met my Grandpa and how they named my mom and my uncle and aunt. Afterwards she admitted "It's too late." That's the first time since she's been diagnosed that she's admitted she's losing her memories. Or just perhaps her ability to express them. Mom stayed silent throughout but when Grandma left to go to the restroom she said Grandma only remembered about a third of the stories she told mom so she's going to write them down for me.
What's most important is that Grandma seems to like the nursing home now which she was so against when we found out. And she's really happy her dog Panda is going to be staying with Aunt Joy who has Millie and Duffie for Panda to play with. She's really taking it so much better now which is really nice to see. I'll see her again Sunday and hopefully see the nursing home. Apparently, her roommate speaks Polish so maybe I'll learn how to say hello before then.
These past two weeks have had a lot happen- my grandmother was put in a nursing home and my cat, Angel, died unexpectedly. I also had the rough draft to the paper that will basically decide whether I graduate or not due. God must have been curious to see how I'd handle such enormously stressful events coming right before the due date of what I consider the most important assignment of this semester.
And believe it or not I did alright. I could have done better but I managed to turn my mood around and get what needed to be done finished and turned in. I still have some assignments I need to work on that are overdue but due to the circumstances I did pretty well. My therapist thinks so too- I even ended our session early this week.
Tonight Grandma and Mom picked me up unexpectedly to have dinner. Grandma wanted to see where I work and so we went to the LOFT and then went to Girodano's for dinner. I decided a little while ago that I needed to start asking Grandma as much as possible before she can't remember anything due to the Alzheimer's. I asked her what it was like to live during World War II and then if she remembered the day the war was over. I asked her about how she met my Grandpa and how they named my mom and my uncle and aunt. Afterwards she admitted "It's too late." That's the first time since she's been diagnosed that she's admitted she's losing her memories. Or just perhaps her ability to express them. Mom stayed silent throughout but when Grandma left to go to the restroom she said Grandma only remembered about a third of the stories she told mom so she's going to write them down for me.
What's most important is that Grandma seems to like the nursing home now which she was so against when we found out. And she's really happy her dog Panda is going to be staying with Aunt Joy who has Millie and Duffie for Panda to play with. She's really taking it so much better now which is really nice to see. I'll see her again Sunday and hopefully see the nursing home. Apparently, her roommate speaks Polish so maybe I'll learn how to say hello before then.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Beautiful Image
I had a beautiful image earlier today.
I was in my studio apartment on a cold, snowy day. The place was very bright and colorful and you could see my bed in the background put together like a painting on canvas. I was sitting there snuggled into a chair with the legs over the arm with a blanket hanging over them to give them a little warmth reading a book. On my lap was my Ragamuffin kitten Rupert, snug and warm, cushioned in between my stomach and bent legs.
It really looked like a beautiful moment. Hopefully I'll get there soon.
I was in my studio apartment on a cold, snowy day. The place was very bright and colorful and you could see my bed in the background put together like a painting on canvas. I was sitting there snuggled into a chair with the legs over the arm with a blanket hanging over them to give them a little warmth reading a book. On my lap was my Ragamuffin kitten Rupert, snug and warm, cushioned in between my stomach and bent legs.
It really looked like a beautiful moment. Hopefully I'll get there soon.
Friday, February 1, 2013
A Lesson in Decision Making
So it's been a while since I've updated and that mostly because I had no good news to give. I was just making bad decision after bad decision regarding my English class and then I became ill. Finally, Wednesday I made a list of that I needed to accomplish each day and I did really well actually! I didn't get exactly everything done on the particular day but everything was handed in on time and I think in the end that's what really matters. I was certainly really happy when I finished my paper this morning which was a huge part of my midterm today. And then my happiness was dashed when I learned I had somehow missed an assignment for English. And of course it was English. So I need to do that today.
I feel like I don't like updating this unless I have something good to say. Like, I don't want to just say I'm doing poorly but say I was doing poorly but now I'm better! Whenever I'm not doing so well I always feel ashamed because I've realized now it's totally my fault- not the depression or anxiety. That really unfolded this week and last when I started sleeping poorly because of intense dreams. I was actually worried that I had become used to the medication because I had been doing really well, and my therapist saw a big difference in my attitude. Well, I thought about it and decided that it may have been because I was making bad decisions and falling behind. Thus I decided to not raise the alarm and on Wednesday decided to focus on getting things done and make better decisions. I'm still not sleeping as well as I was before but I feel like there has been an improvement. This just further proves to me that I have more control over this than I've let myself believe in the past and that I'm far more capable than I've given myself credit before.
This of course also means I'm out of excuses which kind of blows, but it's good in the grand scheme of things.
I feel like I don't like updating this unless I have something good to say. Like, I don't want to just say I'm doing poorly but say I was doing poorly but now I'm better! Whenever I'm not doing so well I always feel ashamed because I've realized now it's totally my fault- not the depression or anxiety. That really unfolded this week and last when I started sleeping poorly because of intense dreams. I was actually worried that I had become used to the medication because I had been doing really well, and my therapist saw a big difference in my attitude. Well, I thought about it and decided that it may have been because I was making bad decisions and falling behind. Thus I decided to not raise the alarm and on Wednesday decided to focus on getting things done and make better decisions. I'm still not sleeping as well as I was before but I feel like there has been an improvement. This just further proves to me that I have more control over this than I've let myself believe in the past and that I'm far more capable than I've given myself credit before.
This of course also means I'm out of excuses which kind of blows, but it's good in the grand scheme of things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)