I have a presentation due in Chinese this Friday on Chicago.
I've gotten to the point with our new teacher that I just do what she says and don't think about how crazy it is or the lack of warning. However, now that it's getting closer to Friday and I'm seriously thinking about what's required for this assignment I'm a little miffed.
It's not the fact I have a lot of other work. It's not the fact she changed what the assignment actually was on Monday after she had told us the assignment the Friday before. No, I'm upset because I have to memorize everything I have to say. Which is about six answers on the first slide and two on each of the 5 slides following. So I have at least eight sentences I have to have memorized before class on Friday. Eight sentences may not sound like much but I basically failed the vocabulary quiz this week and I actually studied for that.
Basically I'm screwed is what I'm saying.
On another note I turned in my application to study abroad in Beijing today!
On another note, in order to afford the $50 late fee and turn it in today I had to basically forfeit finishing a paper in a class I've already missed a paper for.
Time management. I'm on it. Hopefully it's not too late for that class.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
芝加哥
Today we began discussing our midterm project in Chinese to create a slideshow that would introduce the students in China to Chicago or 芝加哥. I think it's pretty cool that we're doing this for the students over there. Apparently, they're going to make brochures/slideshows for us about Beijing which will be awesome for me because then I can use them when I get over there. We have to describe the weather and the people and what we do for fun. I got the feeling most people in my class didn't hang out in Chicago very much. I'm the only one who picked an area that isn't a tourist attraction.
It should be really fun but she wants us to memorize our slideshows and present them to the class that way. Then the next week we'll edit them for the Chinese students. I studied my new vocabulary words more than I usually do and failed. It's ridiculous. I don't know what to do! The only thing I can think of would be to write them constantly (which is what was required from my last teacher) but I just don't have to time to dedicate to something not required.
I seriously need to consider seeing the school counselors about time management.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Missed the Parade
So of course now that I could get a grade for going to the Chinatown parade I don't go.
Instead I did absolutely nothing regarding Chinese today. I did however try to watch something relating to Korea today. There's a documentary I watched in my Korean history class called "Dear Pyongyang" by Yonghi Yang. It's about a family that was separated due to the father sending his three sons to North Korea in the 70s. There was heavy propaganda in Japan painting North Korea as a prospering place in an attempt to wipe out the Korean-Japanese population living in Korea. It's supposed to be about the father and the daughter trying to understand why he decided to split up the family and his continued loyalty to the government that let him down, but I was more influenced by the video of life inside North Korea. It seemed like Chicago during the summer some weeks, when it seems everyone decided to leave town at the same time. It looked like half the population was missing. I think that's because the square was so large and and the buildings so tall but very few people outside. It was a really interesting documentary. I wanted to watch it again today but I couldn't find a reliable site to download it from. There's supposed to be a sequel called "Goodbye Pyongyang" but I haven't found a version with English subtitles yet.
Instead I did absolutely nothing regarding Chinese today. I did however try to watch something relating to Korea today. There's a documentary I watched in my Korean history class called "Dear Pyongyang" by Yonghi Yang. It's about a family that was separated due to the father sending his three sons to North Korea in the 70s. There was heavy propaganda in Japan painting North Korea as a prospering place in an attempt to wipe out the Korean-Japanese population living in Korea. It's supposed to be about the father and the daughter trying to understand why he decided to split up the family and his continued loyalty to the government that let him down, but I was more influenced by the video of life inside North Korea. It seemed like Chicago during the summer some weeks, when it seems everyone decided to leave town at the same time. It looked like half the population was missing. I think that's because the square was so large and and the buildings so tall but very few people outside. It was a really interesting documentary. I wanted to watch it again today but I couldn't find a reliable site to download it from. There's supposed to be a sequel called "Goodbye Pyongyang" but I haven't found a version with English subtitles yet.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Speaking of Chinese
I forgot to write! I'm sorry! I had a long day yesterday, going to class and then travelling to Chicago.
I started reading that book I bought, the one about the history of Chinese. At least, that's what I thought it was about. It kinda is but it's also about the mechanics of Chinese, which I already know. It was also first published in 1975 and, although it was updated in 2001, they didn't look into the characters.For those who know a little about the history of China or Chinese, Simplified Chinese characters came around the 1970s, clearly after this book was first published, which made it a bit difficult to read. Although the history of Chinese is only covered in one chapter, the later chapters discuss modern Chinese and Chinese calligraphy so they should still be interesting. At least I hope so.
The other book I bought is a grammar book which I had hoped I could skim through and find pieces of grammar I don't understand in class. Unfortunately, the book uses grammar terms in the chapter names, instead of showing which characters are the focus of the chapter. It still looks like a good book and hopefully I'll find time to look through it more thoroughly.
Tomorrow is the Chinese New Year Parade in Chicago's Chinatown. I'm meeting up with my class there to watch it but I think my boyfriend and I will do our own thing. We saw it with friends last year and had a fine time. Afterward, I have to write a paper on my experience for my Chinese class. Oh well, at least I have a reason besides being lame to see it this year!
The book is Speaking of Chinese the 2001 edition by Raymond Chang and Margaret Scrogin Chang.
I started reading that book I bought, the one about the history of Chinese. At least, that's what I thought it was about. It kinda is but it's also about the mechanics of Chinese, which I already know. It was also first published in 1975 and, although it was updated in 2001, they didn't look into the characters.For those who know a little about the history of China or Chinese, Simplified Chinese characters came around the 1970s, clearly after this book was first published, which made it a bit difficult to read. Although the history of Chinese is only covered in one chapter, the later chapters discuss modern Chinese and Chinese calligraphy so they should still be interesting. At least I hope so.
The other book I bought is a grammar book which I had hoped I could skim through and find pieces of grammar I don't understand in class. Unfortunately, the book uses grammar terms in the chapter names, instead of showing which characters are the focus of the chapter. It still looks like a good book and hopefully I'll find time to look through it more thoroughly.
Tomorrow is the Chinese New Year Parade in Chicago's Chinatown. I'm meeting up with my class there to watch it but I think my boyfriend and I will do our own thing. We saw it with friends last year and had a fine time. Afterward, I have to write a paper on my experience for my Chinese class. Oh well, at least I have a reason besides being lame to see it this year!
The book is Speaking of Chinese the 2001 edition by Raymond Chang and Margaret Scrogin Chang.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
不好
Sun 老师 gave me a book with some DVDs in it Monday for me to watch. She said it was a sit-com like our "Everybody Loves Raymond." I managed to watch some today and wasn't that impressed. It's specifically made to learn Chinese. Have you ever noticed that whenever a show is specifically made to learn a language it's really lame or unrealistic? That's basically the feeling I got from this. I couldn't understand anything they were saying but the acting made me think that way. It came with a textbook that contains transcripts of the dialogues but... I'm just not feeling it.
On another note, my two books came in! So I'll have something to read on the train to Chicago tomorrow!
The show was "Home with Kids" and the book says at the top "A Multi-skill Chinese Course."
On another note, my two books came in! So I'll have something to read on the train to Chicago tomorrow!
The show was "Home with Kids" and the book says at the top "A Multi-skill Chinese Course."
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Awwww! Pandas!!
Oh my goodness. So both of my books and one of my movies arrived today. I just finished watching it and it's the Disney movie about the friendship between a boy and a panda cub. It was absolutely adorable and definitely for children. At the very beginning I was criticizing the shots, and the really lame effects but eventually I told myself to shut up and really enjoyed the movie.
Even better, because the movie is about a young boy (who seems to be played by a Japanese boy?) the language was very simple and so even though my listening skills are poor, I was able to catch some phrases I understood! Next time I watch it I'm going to turn the subtitles off and really try to listen now that I know the story line.
The movie was "Trail of the Panda," by Disney and filmed in the Sichuan Province just before and just after the earthquake. It was also a live action film.
Even better, because the movie is about a young boy (who seems to be played by a Japanese boy?) the language was very simple and so even though my listening skills are poor, I was able to catch some phrases I understood! Next time I watch it I'm going to turn the subtitles off and really try to listen now that I know the story line.
The movie was "Trail of the Panda," by Disney and filmed in the Sichuan Province just before and just after the earthquake. It was also a live action film.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Is it just me?
So this doesn't necessarily pertain to Chinese; it can be applied to any language.
Is there a reason that language classes aren't taught as we humans naturally learn? Why is it reading and writing and speaking and listening seem to all be taught right from the beginning in unison? Like, we learn to listen and understand first and then respond through speaking while we're infants. Therefore, why do teachers not focus on that mimicry first and then after a couple weeks or something move on to teach the alphabet (or for Chinese the radicals which are the basic building blocks of characters) and then the common and/or simple words? Wouldn't be more appropriate to follow the steps in which we naturally learned our own language?
Going back to my experience learning three different languages (which I first mentioned in a previous post), let me further explain them since I've been taught by more than one teacher for all three. I had 3 different French teachers, 2 different Japanese teachers, and 2 different Mandarin teachers. They've all been taught with everything beginning in unison. This just seems to be how it's done in all language classes. The only exception I can think of would be my first Mandarin teacher, Fu Laoshi, [laoshi, or 老师, means "teacher" and is always behind the surname] who spent two weeks explaining the different tones and forcing to be able to hear the differences between them and be able to produce them. Why is this not the norm?
I'm just wondering if there's research to say this doesn't work or if it's just because of lack of time. You would think after being taught in 4 different schools, two of which were colleges, I would have witnessed some major differences in styles of teaching. Anyone have anything? Otherwise, I'm about to make it my mission to become a teacher and teach a language this way and see what happens.
Is there a reason that language classes aren't taught as we humans naturally learn? Why is it reading and writing and speaking and listening seem to all be taught right from the beginning in unison? Like, we learn to listen and understand first and then respond through speaking while we're infants. Therefore, why do teachers not focus on that mimicry first and then after a couple weeks or something move on to teach the alphabet (or for Chinese the radicals which are the basic building blocks of characters) and then the common and/or simple words? Wouldn't be more appropriate to follow the steps in which we naturally learned our own language?
Going back to my experience learning three different languages (which I first mentioned in a previous post), let me further explain them since I've been taught by more than one teacher for all three. I had 3 different French teachers, 2 different Japanese teachers, and 2 different Mandarin teachers. They've all been taught with everything beginning in unison. This just seems to be how it's done in all language classes. The only exception I can think of would be my first Mandarin teacher, Fu Laoshi, [laoshi, or 老师, means "teacher" and is always behind the surname] who spent two weeks explaining the different tones and forcing to be able to hear the differences between them and be able to produce them. Why is this not the norm?
I'm just wondering if there's research to say this doesn't work or if it's just because of lack of time. You would think after being taught in 4 different schools, two of which were colleges, I would have witnessed some major differences in styles of teaching. Anyone have anything? Otherwise, I'm about to make it my mission to become a teacher and teach a language this way and see what happens.
Monday, January 23, 2012
International Law
So I ended up purchasing three movies in Mandarin which will arrive sometime this week. Thankfully, I checked and all of them are Region 1 DVDs so I'll be able to view them.
What does Region 1 mean you ask?
That is the Region for the United States and Canada. Basically, a DVD has to be Region 1 in order for it to work in our DVD players and computers in North America because they are made for Region 1 DVDs. In China, the region is 6. Therefore, in order to view a Region 6 DVD, I have to own a freaking DVD player that can play Region 6 DVDs.
Can't all DVD players do that?
No. Apparently there is an international law that prohibits the existence of a DVD player that is "region free" or "multi-region."
Why on earth does that law exist? Shouldn't it be a good thing to be able to watch what someone in France or China or Turkey is watching? We are becoming so global that this idea that we're basically separating ourselves through what we view seems like an effort by governments to promote nationalism in the sense they are trying to keep us separate and unable to relate. (I only say nationalism because I've been forced to read Imagined Communities by Benedict Anderson and therefore have it on the brain). That or there's a law so the movie industry can make more money. Either reason sounds entirely possible at this point in our greedy society.
It's absolutely ridiculous that I have to buy a DVD player from China just to watch The Little Mermaid in Mandarin and hear what the children in China hear. It should work in my own DVD player. All DVD players should be able to play a movie from all over the world and don't tell me that's not possible since it IS possible to organize a system where it is freaking illegal.
What does Region 1 mean you ask?
That is the Region for the United States and Canada. Basically, a DVD has to be Region 1 in order for it to work in our DVD players and computers in North America because they are made for Region 1 DVDs. In China, the region is 6. Therefore, in order to view a Region 6 DVD, I have to own a freaking DVD player that can play Region 6 DVDs.
Can't all DVD players do that?
No. Apparently there is an international law that prohibits the existence of a DVD player that is "region free" or "multi-region."
Why on earth does that law exist? Shouldn't it be a good thing to be able to watch what someone in France or China or Turkey is watching? We are becoming so global that this idea that we're basically separating ourselves through what we view seems like an effort by governments to promote nationalism in the sense they are trying to keep us separate and unable to relate. (I only say nationalism because I've been forced to read Imagined Communities by Benedict Anderson and therefore have it on the brain). That or there's a law so the movie industry can make more money. Either reason sounds entirely possible at this point in our greedy society.
It's absolutely ridiculous that I have to buy a DVD player from China just to watch The Little Mermaid in Mandarin and hear what the children in China hear. It should work in my own DVD player. All DVD players should be able to play a movie from all over the world and don't tell me that's not possible since it IS possible to organize a system where it is freaking illegal.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Dubbed Disney
So one of my friends who seems pretty fluent in Spanish advised I watch Chinese dubbed Disney movies because watching dubbed Disney movies helped her.
Where on earth do you find those things?! I've looked all over YouTube and read a few forums that say you can buy bootleg versions in Chinatown or just search the internet more. I feel like there should be a website that offers a bunch of Disney movies with different language options so people like me who are trying to learn a second language can watch the movies we loved as a kid say lines we know by heart in another language...
I think I just thought of my get-rich-quick plan... ;)
Where on earth do you find those things?! I've looked all over YouTube and read a few forums that say you can buy bootleg versions in Chinatown or just search the internet more. I feel like there should be a website that offers a bunch of Disney movies with different language options so people like me who are trying to learn a second language can watch the movies we loved as a kid say lines we know by heart in another language...
I think I just thought of my get-rich-quick plan... ;)
Two Books
So I finally have money in the bank and so I decided to purchase two books off Amazon that I had been looking at for a little bit. One is Speaking Chinese: A Cultural History of the Chinese Language and the other is Modern Mandarin Chinese Grammar: A Practical Guide. I checked the reviews out and they're pretty good. One was given a good review by a teacher while the other was given a good review by someone who actually creates CD courses that teach Mandarin. I figure they'll both help with my Chinese studies (especially the grammar book) and maybe make Chinese interesting again. I noticed I've hit that wall in learning a language where I can't just learn anymore; I have to practice and I'm not very good at that. I'm basically trying to give myself motivation by buying these books and forcing myself to post something everyday on this blog about the Chinese language. I'm hoping it works because I'm kind of trying to study in Beijing for three and a half months starting this August and I'd like to, at least, be able to survive on my own.
Friday, January 20, 2012
把
Today I learned about the "verb" ba (把).
It is an incredibly annoying piece of Chinese that really doesn't seem like a verb. It also reminds me of English a bit because there are exceptions to the rules on how and when to use it.
That's one of the reasons I love Chinese; there are rarely exceptions. Chinese is actually a very logical language and if you know the meaning of a couple characters, then you probably know a lot more words than you realize.
You would think this would make learning vocabulary easier because once you know a couple words, you can put them together and find out you already know how to write a couple other words. I, of course, find this extremely annoying. The reason being is because I always associate a character with a meaning- not the sound- because I know there are many characters sharing a single sound but not many share a meaning. This means that when I learn a new word I automatically assume new characters are involved but sometimes the word is actually two characters I already know put together!
For example:
My Chinese name is 白可文。
The first character in my name, 白, pronounced bai, means "white." However, when it's combined with another character like this (的) it's pronounced de and means to be in possession of. To say "my mom" in Chinese, you would say "I 的 mom" because the "de" makes the "I" possessive.
Another example would be the last character of my name, 文, pronounced wen and means "writing, culture, language." When I add the character 中, or zhong, which means "middle" to 文, I get zhongwen or 中文，which means "Chinese language."
Even more confusing is my middle character 可, which by itself is pronounced ke and means "but" like in a sentence. It also means "but" like this 可是, pronounced keshi, having added "to be" or 是 (shi) to it.
There's also this word, keneng, which is written as 可能 and means "possible" which has nothing to do with either meaning of the characters! 可 or ke means "but" and 能 or neng, means "to be able to." I suppose it kind of does but not really. So you can see how these characters just seem to pop up in places I don't expect sometimes.
Sometimes I think Japanese would have been easier... Then I remember I'd have to learn these characters anyway because Japanese or 日文 uses them. Then I decide I'll just stick with 中文.
It is an incredibly annoying piece of Chinese that really doesn't seem like a verb. It also reminds me of English a bit because there are exceptions to the rules on how and when to use it.
That's one of the reasons I love Chinese; there are rarely exceptions. Chinese is actually a very logical language and if you know the meaning of a couple characters, then you probably know a lot more words than you realize.
You would think this would make learning vocabulary easier because once you know a couple words, you can put them together and find out you already know how to write a couple other words. I, of course, find this extremely annoying. The reason being is because I always associate a character with a meaning- not the sound- because I know there are many characters sharing a single sound but not many share a meaning. This means that when I learn a new word I automatically assume new characters are involved but sometimes the word is actually two characters I already know put together!
For example:
My Chinese name is 白可文。
The first character in my name, 白, pronounced bai, means "white." However, when it's combined with another character like this (的) it's pronounced de and means to be in possession of. To say "my mom" in Chinese, you would say "I 的 mom" because the "de" makes the "I" possessive.
Another example would be the last character of my name, 文, pronounced wen and means "writing, culture, language." When I add the character 中, or zhong, which means "middle" to 文, I get zhongwen or 中文，which means "Chinese language."
Even more confusing is my middle character 可, which by itself is pronounced ke and means "but" like in a sentence. It also means "but" like this 可是, pronounced keshi, having added "to be" or 是 (shi) to it.
There's also this word, keneng, which is written as 可能 and means "possible" which has nothing to do with either meaning of the characters! 可 or ke means "but" and 能 or neng, means "to be able to." I suppose it kind of does but not really. So you can see how these characters just seem to pop up in places I don't expect sometimes.
Sometimes I think Japanese would have been easier... Then I remember I'd have to learn these characters anyway because Japanese or 日文 uses them. Then I decide I'll just stick with 中文.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
He vs. She
Did you know it's only recently that there is a difference between "he" and "she" in written form in Mandarin?
"He" and "she" are both pronounced as "ta" in the first tone so the listener has to focus on the context in order to discern if the subject (or object) is female or male. Reading is now the only way to easily spot the difference.
This changed in this century when officials of the Republic of China were creating Simplified Characters (basically easier to write variations of what is now called Traditional Characters). "He" and "she" used to both be written 他. However, now "he" is written as 他 and "she" is written as 她, which seems more appropriate to me since the radical (the character on the left-hand side) "nu" symbolizes "female" in Chinese.
I learned this all from the book I read earlier called "Dreaming in Chinese."
"He" and "she" are both pronounced as "ta" in the first tone so the listener has to focus on the context in order to discern if the subject (or object) is female or male. Reading is now the only way to easily spot the difference.
This changed in this century when officials of the Republic of China were creating Simplified Characters (basically easier to write variations of what is now called Traditional Characters). "He" and "she" used to both be written 他. However, now "he" is written as 他 and "she" is written as 她, which seems more appropriate to me since the radical (the character on the left-hand side) "nu" symbolizes "female" in Chinese.
I learned this all from the book I read earlier called "Dreaming in Chinese."
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Hardest Things about Chinese
OK, I've taken Chinese for a year now and so I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what keeps slipping me up.
1. Second tone. I find it incredibly hard to raise my voice as if I'm asking a question in the middle of a sentence and it trips me up for the rest of the sentence unless I've said the word dozens of times.
2. The characters. Not necessarily writing them or what not- just the fact that sometimes you reuse old characters and sometimes you don't. Believe it or not I feel like I'd rather never use them again and a character only be used for that one word or a version of that word or it be the same character for that particular sound every time. It just seems to confuse me constantly.
Anyone else have something about their classes that just drives them bonkers? Because I feel like I need to know it's not just me having trouble with seemingly simple things.
1. Second tone. I find it incredibly hard to raise my voice as if I'm asking a question in the middle of a sentence and it trips me up for the rest of the sentence unless I've said the word dozens of times.
2. The characters. Not necessarily writing them or what not- just the fact that sometimes you reuse old characters and sometimes you don't. Believe it or not I feel like I'd rather never use them again and a character only be used for that one word or a version of that word or it be the same character for that particular sound every time. It just seems to confuse me constantly.
Anyone else have something about their classes that just drives them bonkers? Because I feel like I need to know it's not just me having trouble with seemingly simple things.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Ah, the Miracle that is my Boyfriend
How the heck does he believe I have self-discipline when no one else does including me?!
At any rate I got off my sorry ass and did a little homework...
And now I'm going to do a little more and try to live up to this image my crazy, awesome boyfriend has in his head.
At any rate I got off my sorry ass and did a little homework...
And now I'm going to do a little more and try to live up to this image my crazy, awesome boyfriend has in his head.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Bad Choices -> Bad Habits -> Bad Life
Sorry it's been so long but I've been out of school. I've noticed everything that drives me up the wall has to do with school. At least for the most part.
Today's observation has to do with how a couple of bad choices can lead to a hole that seems incapable to get out of. I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol- that's entirely too obvious- I'm talking about not studying or not doing homework or not finishing a personal project. In high school I decided I made these decisions because I didn't care and no one else seemed to care enough to interfere. Now that I do care about how I do in classes I've decided this has led to bad habits. Even though I honestly want to do well in school I'm still making the same decisions I used to and hating myself for it. And because I'm still making bad decisions and have seemingly no self-discipline or enough self-motivation to get me to make better ones I foresee a very disappointing life ahead of me.
And to top things off I find myself blaming my parents which makes me sound like any teen in any stupid soap opera drama teen show. But I keep coming back to the fact that these bad habits have been around since my elementary school days when one of my teachers should have informed one of my parents that I was not on the road to success. I know this was at least acknowledged in middle school when my mom made me drop out of dance. There were actions taken sure, I had to write all my homework down in an agenda and have it signed by teachers, and yet my bad habits remained. Add to this the adults in my family (probably adults at school as well) knew I had issues and still watched me make one bad decision after another. Aren't parents supposed to be your guardians? As in, they watch you and guide you to making better decisions? My mom put my sister in the Sylvan learning center because of her bad grades- what about me? I had freakin' straights Fs in middle school hence I was forced to leave dance but that didn't teach me how to make better decisions.
The worse thing is I can sit here and be mad and blame whoever I want for being behind in this department but that doesn't help me now. What do I do now realizing I need to change my habits in order to succeed? I already see a therapist and have been seeing one for years. I have only just been able to acknowledge my bad habits of not studying, not doing homework are an issue in school and my inability to finish personal projects means this will be an issue for all aspects of my life. I'm pretty sure Sylvan and other student help centers work for students up to 18 years old which leaves me out. I can only think of therapy but I'm not sure that will work. I feel like I need to be sat down and forced to do something day in and day out and checked on until it becomes a habit to do whatever it is I need to start doing. Then again, what do I know? All I know is constantly making bad decisions for instant gratification isn't taking me to where I want to go and yet I find myself continuing to do so and hating myself for it later.
What a sad observation.
Today's observation has to do with how a couple of bad choices can lead to a hole that seems incapable to get out of. I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol- that's entirely too obvious- I'm talking about not studying or not doing homework or not finishing a personal project. In high school I decided I made these decisions because I didn't care and no one else seemed to care enough to interfere. Now that I do care about how I do in classes I've decided this has led to bad habits. Even though I honestly want to do well in school I'm still making the same decisions I used to and hating myself for it. And because I'm still making bad decisions and have seemingly no self-discipline or enough self-motivation to get me to make better ones I foresee a very disappointing life ahead of me.
And to top things off I find myself blaming my parents which makes me sound like any teen in any stupid soap opera drama teen show. But I keep coming back to the fact that these bad habits have been around since my elementary school days when one of my teachers should have informed one of my parents that I was not on the road to success. I know this was at least acknowledged in middle school when my mom made me drop out of dance. There were actions taken sure, I had to write all my homework down in an agenda and have it signed by teachers, and yet my bad habits remained. Add to this the adults in my family (probably adults at school as well) knew I had issues and still watched me make one bad decision after another. Aren't parents supposed to be your guardians? As in, they watch you and guide you to making better decisions? My mom put my sister in the Sylvan learning center because of her bad grades- what about me? I had freakin' straights Fs in middle school hence I was forced to leave dance but that didn't teach me how to make better decisions.
The worse thing is I can sit here and be mad and blame whoever I want for being behind in this department but that doesn't help me now. What do I do now realizing I need to change my habits in order to succeed? I already see a therapist and have been seeing one for years. I have only just been able to acknowledge my bad habits of not studying, not doing homework are an issue in school and my inability to finish personal projects means this will be an issue for all aspects of my life. I'm pretty sure Sylvan and other student help centers work for students up to 18 years old which leaves me out. I can only think of therapy but I'm not sure that will work. I feel like I need to be sat down and forced to do something day in and day out and checked on until it becomes a habit to do whatever it is I need to start doing. Then again, what do I know? All I know is constantly making bad decisions for instant gratification isn't taking me to where I want to go and yet I find myself continuing to do so and hating myself for it later.
What a sad observation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)