So it's been a while since I've updated and that mostly because I had no good news to give. I was just making bad decision after bad decision regarding my English class and then I became ill. Finally, Wednesday I made a list of that I needed to accomplish each day and I did really well actually! I didn't get exactly everything done on the particular day but everything was handed in on time and I think in the end that's what really matters. I was certainly really happy when I finished my paper this morning which was a huge part of my midterm today. And then my happiness was dashed when I learned I had somehow missed an assignment for English. And of course it was English. So I need to do that today.
I feel like I don't like updating this unless I have something good to say. Like, I don't want to just say I'm doing poorly but say I was doing poorly but now I'm better! Whenever I'm not doing so well I always feel ashamed because I've realized now it's totally my fault- not the depression or anxiety. That really unfolded this week and last when I started sleeping poorly because of intense dreams. I was actually worried that I had become used to the medication because I had been doing really well, and my therapist saw a big difference in my attitude. Well, I thought about it and decided that it may have been because I was making bad decisions and falling behind. Thus I decided to not raise the alarm and on Wednesday decided to focus on getting things done and make better decisions. I'm still not sleeping as well as I was before but I feel like there has been an improvement. This just further proves to me that I have more control over this than I've let myself believe in the past and that I'm far more capable than I've given myself credit before.
This of course also means I'm out of excuses which kind of blows, but it's good in the grand scheme of things.
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